Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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