Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize