You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
