so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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