He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
