that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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