This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
