mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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