hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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