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i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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