Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
