I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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