i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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