Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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