just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am one with the molecules
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
