God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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