And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
