at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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