he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
