you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
