So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
