4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
