You work out of a Hotel?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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