i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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