How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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