we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
