he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Come on in and take your pants off
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