when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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