the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
