i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
