Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
