all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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