I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
