you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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