loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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