Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
