arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
