I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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