i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
