I puked a lego.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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