At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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