you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
