If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
honey bunches of taint.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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