just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize