i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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