i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
