Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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