Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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