I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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