hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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