Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
