i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
