can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She swung at the pinata with crutches
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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