i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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