is your mom at the bar?
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
