theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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