I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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