No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
