it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
